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Noteworthy

07 March 2011

Unpublished Month - Clash Two, Most Intense Emotions

This week's host is Lisa Lickel.

Welcome back to Week Two of Unpublished excerpts creating an Intense Emotion. Vote for Excerpt C or D. The poll closes Thursday. On Friday, you'll meet the runner up, and the author receiving the most votes advances annonymously to the final round on Week Four. Don't forget to sign up for the drawing of a copy of Valeria's Cross by Kathi Macias & Susan Wales; winner announced Friday March 11.

Which of these two excepts grabs you with the most Intense Emotions?

EXCERPT C
Her voice cracked as she choked out, “I love you, Seth.”
“I know,” he let tears slide down his cheeks. “It’s okay. You being with Noah. Scar, if it’s going to be someone other than me,” he swallowed, “then I can’t think of a better man than my brother. He’ll take care of you. He won’t take you for granted. I’ve made so many mistakes. I’m sorry.”
She continued to weep in the darkness. She couldn’t speak.
“You know, I’m not saying we’re going to die,” He knew they were. “But I’m ready. I think I’d like to see my Grandpa Harm again and to finally meet my grandmother. I—I think I’ll know her immediately, do you?”
She whispered between strangled sobs, “Yes. I think so.”
“Scarlet, what if I could get this stone moved? Enough to get you out—”
“Forget it!” She didn’t even want to think about Seth staying behind and dying alone. “I’m not going anywhere!” Her breaths were shallow. It was almost over. She began to panic. Noah!
“Listen to me, Scar. I made a promise to Noah before I brought you out here. I told him I wouldn’t get you killed. Please!”
“I can’t,” she squeaked, “I won’t leave you. He’ll understand.” She prayed he would.
Seth knew she wasn’t going to go willingly. His lips trembled as fear began to race through his body. “Tell my mom I love her—that everybody won.”
“You tell her!”
“Humor me.” He swallowed the hot lump that was forming in his throat, “And tell my dad— that heart condition he was concerned with—that it’s fixed,” tears streamed down his cheeks. “You’ll be proof.”
 “What does that even mean?”
“He’ll know.”
God, I remember Samson. He messed up terribly and rebelled too but in the end when he was literally blinded and in the dark, you gave him strength one last time. I may still have my eyes, but I can’t see in this dark cave. Give me the blind strength to get her out…and then… You can bring me home. I’m ready.
He took as deep of a breath as he could, pushed with all his might against the stone…and he felt it move. “Scarlet, you know— you were my very first kiss. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and felt his chest constrict. “Remember in the driveway at Maddox and Lee’s?”
“Yes,” she sniffed, “and you were mine.”
“Why,” he tried to be strong, “Why don’t you come over here and be my last kiss.”
She crawled in the dark and found him. He picked her up putting her against the stone. “Now, kiss me like you love me more than him.”
Her lips found his in the blackness. She lost herself in his tenderness and then she felt him shove her out, as he cried, “No regrets. I love you. I have always loved you.”
The stone rolled back into place.
“NOOOOO!” She pushed. Clawed. Screamed. Wept. She couldn’t give up. “Seth!”

*****************************************************************************

EXCERPT D

The odor of smoke lingered in the air and on Abby’s damp clothing. Even though Trace had given her a neckerchief to cover her nose and mouth, the contaminated air threatened to choke her at times.
Wobbling on her feet, she rubbed the bruised muscle at her shoulder caused by the backlash of the shotgun. She slid down what was left of an outside wall of the stable, pulled the kerchief below her chin, and removed her hat. A prayer passed her lips in little more than a whisper. “Thank you, God, for helping us put out the fire before anyone was hurt. Thank you for your blessings. Help me to see more of them as we continue to go through this trial.”
Abby glanced down at her clothing. The blackened material would be difficult to clean. At the moment, she didn’t care.
Reaching out, she picked up a small piece of wood that now resembled nothing more than a bit of charcoal. She wearily tossed it into a pile several feet away. Her fingers crawled across the dirt to pick up others within reach.
Penny ran over, the white portions of her coat now a dingy gray. The dog carried something black in her mouth. When Penny dropped it in her lap, Abby cringed, prepared to see a burned rat.
Instead, she wrapped her dirty fingers around what remained of a small, black book. Much of the right half had been burned away and the remainder scorched and wet. Gently, she pried the cover open. The dainty, slanted letters told Abby she had no right to read what was left of the words. She ignored the warning.
My dearest Will…
The years we will share together will b...
but nothing compares to…
that you have found your life in Chris…
I give thanks and praise for th…
future that is ours as man an…
Yours for etern…
Susa…
Something fell from between the scorched pages onto Abby’s lap. She picked up a partially burned photograph and, with a trembling finger, touched what was left of the beautiful woman smiling at her. The heart-shaped face and elegant posture only served to remind her of what she lacked. Turning the image over, she slid it into what was left of the Bible and closed the charred cover. Abby squeezed her eyes shut and leaned her head back against the wood.
Yours for eternity, Susanne.
Earlier, for a few moments, she had allowed herself to forget, to accept Will’s arms. How could she have been so reckless? Tears seeped through her lashes. She blamed fatigue and the smoke.
At the crunch of footsteps on blackened wood, she opened her eyes and rubbed away the wetness from her cheeks with the heels of her hands.
Father, please send Will away. Far away.


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5 comments:

Lisa Lickel said... Monday, 07 March, 2011

I'm grateful to the above authors for letting us use their work. It's always a challenge when you're just getting started in this business to let people you aren't related to or don't know read your work. Kudos! Bravo!

Michelle Massaro said... Monday, 07 March, 2011

I agree! I liked the excerpts, and of course I have my favorite but I'd like to read more of both. I see publication in the future for these authors!

Jennifer said... Tuesday, 08 March, 2011

What a fun clash! And I agree, Lisa! Can't wait to see these excerpts in print!

Nellie said... Wednesday, 09 March, 2011

These were so exciting to read! My feelings echo the sentiments above... cannot wait to see the books in print! Excellent excerpts. Thank you and the authors for so generously sharing with us!

misskallie2000 said... Thursday, 10 March, 2011

Both excerpts were very emotional and I did cry while reading each one. Would love to read both books and know they will be worthy of great authors..

Item Reviewed: Unpublished Month - Clash Two, Most Intense Emotions Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Lisa J Lickel
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